if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
