You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
