Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
