I can text with my tongue
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
