I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
