cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
