Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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