I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
