I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
