We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
