so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
did i walk over a car last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
