So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
