White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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