Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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