Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
