Sponge bath it is.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
