What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
