When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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