I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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