it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
