if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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