Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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