During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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