Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
