I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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