first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
