sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Green mimosas i think yes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
