1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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