The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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