I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
