I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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