she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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