I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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