You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
