Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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