I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
