12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
