I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
