I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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