I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
