carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
