Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
