the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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