I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
