Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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