he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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