It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
