All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think my vagina is haunted
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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