Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
