apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
