My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
