Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
