My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
